


i'm in love with you (i'm sorry)

by brittwho



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Athena Grant is Evan "Buck" Buckley's Parent, Bobby Nash is Evan "Buck" Buckley's Parent, Gunshot Wounds, Love Confessions, M/M, Major Character Injury, Temporary Character Death, Worried Eddie Diaz, fellas is it gay to profess your undying love while literally dying, gratuitous use of commas and dashes, its temporary for a reason i PROMISE, no beta we die like bucks heterosexuality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:42:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29917095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brittwho/pseuds/brittwho
Summary: Buck knows that when he falls to the ground, and feels like he’s floating instead of exploding form pain, that this is bad. Something in the back of his mind is telling him that he should be hurting, he should be screaming and shaking and begging for the pain to go away —But he wasn’t, because it didn’t hurt.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 86





	i'm in love with you (i'm sorry)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [luminousbluebells](https://archiveofourown.org/users/luminousbluebells/gifts).



> I listened to "i'm in love with you (i'm sorry)" by j'san on loop to many times, talked about love confessions while characters are dying with a friend, and then this happened. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Buck knows that when he falls to the ground, and feels like he’s floating instead of exploding form pain, that this is bad. Something in the back of his mind is telling him that he should be hurting, he should be screaming and shaking and begging for the pain to go away —

But he wasn’t, because it _didn’t hurt_. 

He felt pressure on his abdomen and only then noticed that he had closed his eyes as they shot open and were met with deep brown. _Eddie._ Buck smiled, reaching a hand up towards Eddie’s face. Why did it look like Eddie was crying? Eddie should never cry. “Eds?” He mumbled, noticing that Hen and Chim were now kneeled next to him as well, moving and speaking frantically. 

“Buck, oh my god — he’s talking! He’s awake, hey, Buck, are you in any pain? You-you were shot, but it’s okay, we’re gonna take care of you, okay?”

“Shot? What? Eddie, I don’t hurt, I-I couldn’t have been—“ He coughed, and _oh, that was **blood**_ he could taste, wasn’t it? He looked back to Eddie, who shared a look with Hen and Chim. 

“We’re still waiting on the ambulance to get here, they took ours with the burn vic - It’s gonna be okay, Buck, it’s fine,” Eddie was using what felt like all of his weight to apply pressure, now, and Chim had gone over to Bobby, pulling out his phone. Was he calling Maddie? She didn’t need to worry, Buck was _fine_ , like Eddie had said. 

So why was Hen shaking her head, and looking back at Cap like this was the worse than anything that ever had happened? 

Why hadn’t Eddie stopped crying? He was awake, he was responsive — he was coughing up blood, had a gunshot wound to his abdomen, and was blissfully numb. 

Something clicked in his brain, and as his eyes met Eddie’s again, he realized what was going to happen. 

He was going to die. 

He was going to die while his team stood by helplessly, because the fire was still raging and the ambulance was gone and back up couldn’t get here in time, and he was going to die. 

Oh, shit. He was going to die in Eddie’s arms — shit, talk about adding fucking _trauma_ to someone’s already long list — he was going to die in Eddie’s arms without ever telling him how he feels. 

No time to tell your best friend you’re in love with them like when you’re dying, right? No chance to have to deal with consequences and more than likely rejection you’d face any other time. 

“Eds,” Buck coughed again, reaching out to cup Eddie’s cheek. “Eds, if I’m gonna-gonna die—“

“You’re _not going to die_ ,” Eddie cut him off, but Hen wouldn’t be calling Athena if that was true, and Chimney wouldn’t be collapsing in Cap’s arms, phone still alight with a call to Maddie, and Eddie wouldn’t be the only one still desperately applying pressure if he wasn’t going to die.   
Buck smiled - or at least tried to - and took another breath - when had it gotten so hard to breathe? He wasn’t sure. 

“Eds, it’s okay, but I gotta - I gotta say somethin’, okay?” His words were starting to slur, and Eddies face had become blurry. “I gotta - you gotta tell Maddie that it’s okay, yeah? She’s - She’s gonna be such a good mom, Eds, _the best mom_ , and she has to know, okay?” He could feel the blood starting to pool in his mouth now, knew he needed to talk faster. 

“Tell Chris, that I’m sorry we can’t get to the museum, yeah? Gotta tell Chris that I love him, too, god, he’s the best kid in the world, Eds, you’re so-so lucky to have Chris as your kid,” Buck’s arm was getting tired, so he let his hand fall to Eddies shoulder instead. “There’s one last thing, Eds,”

“Buck, _please_ , you don’t - you don’t have to say goodbye, because _you’re gonna be fine_ , okay? You are, you have to be,” Eddie sobbed, his words unconvincing. 

Buck tried to shake his head, feeling tears on his cheeks, unsure if they were his or Eddies or both. 

“Eddie, I-I’m in love with you.”

Eddie was shaking his head now, and Buck felt himself shift into Eddie’s lap — when had Eddie moved? He wasn’t sure. “Buck, not-not like this, please,”

“I didn’t wanna say it like this either, Eds,” god, breathing was getting hard, and Buck was just so _tired_ , but he had to say this. “I’m in love with you. Always have been, I think, and I know that-that in the end it doesn’t really matter, ‘cause everything ends, but _Eddie, I am in love with you,_ ” He was gasping now, struggling to get the words he wanted out. “‘M sorry I waited so long to say it. But you needed to, to know..” God, he was so tired. “‘M sorry, Eds, but ‘m gonna nap now. Love you,” he mumbled, letting his eyes slip shut. 

He could feel Eddie’s hands on his face, so he opened his eyes again, but everything was so blurry. Eddie was saying something - screaming, really - but Buck couldn’t make any sense of it, and he really just wanted to sleep. That would help him feel better. 

So he smiled up at Eddie, whispered another “love you” and let his eyes slip shut as the comfortable darkness that had been blurring his vision fully overtook him. 


End file.
